The site is getting redone as a review page. Coming soon mother fuckers
Monday, 4 June 2018
Friday, 26 September 2014
Welcome to the family
I woke up with my one of my arms handcuffed to a wall in a dungeon on a hospital bed, an IV drip sticking out of me.
Fuck
"HELLO!!!" I shout hoping someone will hear "IS ANYONE THERE?"
I wait a few minutes but all I get is the echoes of my own voice coming back at me, I look around my eyes have adjusted to what little light there is in the room, I see a table in arms reach with a key on it, as luck would have it its the key to the hand cuffs. I release myself and pull out the IV with a yank, it stings like a bitch.
Then I remember my wife.
oh god I killed her, I was supposed to die out there in the street killing those monsters. I don't want to be alive, looking at my body I trace the lines of the scars where I was bitten. I should be dead instead Ive been kidnapped and forced into a gimp dungeon.
I get up off the bed and my legs just crumble to the floor, I must have been out for a few weeks, I crawl on my hands and knees till I hit a wall. I begin to stand shakily in the corner is my coat and boots from the zombie attack, the look like theyve been cleaned and patched up.
I put them on and make my way out the door, I'm still dizzy,going into the light from the darkness is blinding, Im in what looks like a prison hallway.
"HELP, HELP"
it sounds like a kid screaming from the door opposite me. It has bars on the top half but there's no light in that cell at all, it sounds weird but its almost like the room is sucking light into it,
"hey mister, please help me" the same childlike voice begs
I move slowly towards the door, something really doesnt feel right, I feel like the dumb blond in a horror film that always walks into the same room as the serial killer
"are you ok?" I ask
Suddenly a slimy hand dripping with what looks like blood bursts through the bars, I jump back banging my head against the wall behind me,sharp razor like nails just miss my face.
"DO I LOOK LIKE IM OK TO YOU? HAHAHA"
the things voices changes, its almost rasping like someone who's smoked a hundred a day for 10 years. its approaches the bars of the door and I can see its face, broken teeth and huge whited out eyes that almost look insect like, I would say its smiling but it doesnt seem to have lips
"IM GOING TO SKIN YOU AND USE YOUR ROTTEN CORPSE AS SEX TOY" it hisses at me
what the fuck is this place?
I move with my back against the wall, the creature still hissing and cursing me
I continue down the hallway, I really wish I had a weapon on me. although my coat is covered in blades whoever fixed it up has done a professional job, the handles have been sewn over, Ive just noticed how comfortable it feels.
I go further down the hallway and I can hear screaming and drill coming from another cell, this one doesn't have bars on it, it looks more like a normal house door
here I go again me and my damned curiosity
I can see into the room, what looks like a guy in a dentist chair having his finger nails torn out
"Please I dont know anything, arrrrgh" a man says pleading in a cockney accent
"we both know thats a lie, you tried to hide your face on the internet when you beheaded that aid worker but you fucked up, the tech guys easily unscrambled your face" says the man torturing him in a cold dead voice
the torturer rifles through his bag and produces a saw, he brings it up to his face the light from the lamp flashes against it for a second
"now where are the hostages?"
I leave them too it, i can hear the sickening rasping of metal on bone and flesh is like nails on a chalk board and I really don't want to get on that guys bad side
I leave room and go down the hall I reach another room, I go into it and the door slams behind me, I turn round and try to open it but its locked,
oh great
I go to explore the room but it looks like two people are having passionate sex on a king sized bed, the woman on top, she looks like a stereotypical goth chick, her clothes are ripped, she looks like shes been crying her black eyeliner mixing in with her tears. I dont know where to look, I dont like being a peeping tom no matter how hot the person Im watching is
its only then I realise that the guy shes on top off is dead, his intestines have been ripped out and is hanging off the bed. Thats not even the most fucked up thing, I can see now shes shes not actually having sex with the dead guy, she masturbating with a butcher knife, she slides it in and out of her like its the worlds greatest vibrator. Im just standing there mouth open in shock, finally she has the orgasm then stops suddenly and looks at me square in the eyes,
"FUCKING PERVERT" she screams at me
the door behind me opens and I make a swift exit, she throws the bloody knife she was fucking her self with at me as I hurriedly leave the room.
"youre one lucky bastard, tell me did she bite her lip as she came?" says a voice from behind me
I look round and its a 6 foot blond haired vision of pure muscle, his teeth almost blind me as I looked up
finally a normal person,
"I wasnt paying attention" I reply stuned
"wasnt paying attention? oh I get it, you like the guys fair enough, say no more guvner"
"please tell me what the fuck is happening here, I woke up in that cell down there, I should be dead"
"easy calm yourself, this is whats happened to you....arggh... ugghh....fuaagh"
his body starts to convulse and his face begins to melt, he looks like he's turning into something else and it doesnt look nice
for fucksake when will this fucking end
I begin to run down the corridor, it feels like its never going to end I just want to get out of here, finally I reach the stair well,
"going somewhere kid?" at the top of the stairs is and 8ft mountain of muscle he has bushy ginger hair, his top half is covered in blood, in his right hand is a raw sheeps leg, he holds it like its a chicken leg, he's smirking at me
"right Im sick of this shit, what the fuck is going on in this mad house and why the fuck am I here?"
"why dont you come up to my office and I'll explain everything"
fuck it I dont care if he shags me and eats me, Im tired of living anyway
I make my way up the steps, he opens the door and sits behind his desk, he gets a towel and wipes the sweat and blood, I sit down in the chair opposite him,
"you're probably a bit confused right now" the big guy says
"ya think?"
he pours himself some expensive wiskey into a glass
"drink?" he offers
"no thanks"
"nice job you did out there by the way in Oldland , you did most of our job for us, we just had to take care of the stragglers while the rest centered on you and your killing frenzy" he says
"I didnt do that through choice, I just gave up on life and I just lost my wife to these undead fucks"
"dont be so modest, your a survivor thats why your here, thats why when everybody elses loved ones became a morning snack because they couldnt kill little johnny you didnt think twice and put a blade between your wifes eyes"
"I didnt...."
"its ok, i get it you feel responsible but why should you? its not a crime when its self defense" he smiles, theres something twisted in it
theres what feels like an eternity of silence where i think about my wife until I finally say something
"cut to the point"
"Im Vic I lead a team of.. lets say unique individuals, we clean up the mess the UK government makes through their bad experiments and the occasional threat to national security that the SAS are too pussy to even think about and guess what just been signed up for it.
"let me introduce you to your new team"
he pulls a clicker out from his desk, a video of the red monster that was down in the cells appears in a big screen behind him, he being restrained by some security guards but he's throwing them off with what looks like super human strength, he's trying his hardest to gut people but their body armour is too tough, finally they restrain him by throwing him into a padded cell
"Francis Denver, Codenamed Disease, his body is coated with a high infectious blood parasite that he can control, it gives him superhuman reflexes but in return he has an unquenchable thirst to kill. dont worry we keep him in check with a shock collar if he thinks bad thoughts, for some god forsaken reason someone in the government thought we could use this freak as a weapon when most would have just burned him to a crisp, gotta love their ingenuity.
he presses the button on the clicker and it changes to the next guy doesnt look as reconisable, its a scrawny indian man taking some pills, he starts to have a fit and his body begins to change into the guy I seen out side the goth girls room
"Farouk Balsara AKA Mr Personality he's bi polar, his Dr's put him on prozac to level him out, he had an allergic reaction to it to say the least and gave him a split personality, before he takes the pills he's a self loathing scrawny little queen, the second he takes the pills he goes through a violent transformation in which he gains muscle mass, becomes almost impervious to pain and damage and can sweet talk the underwear off a nun, he's also a pure sociopath who will pop your head like a zit if you get in his way"
the next to appear on the screen is the woman who was fucking the knife on top of the corpse, shes being chased by three men, they corner her into an alleyway she jumps off the wall and lands perfectly on one of the mens faces crushing his skull with her vaginal walls whilst simultaneously stabbing the other two with the heels of her boots into their eyes puncturing their brains,
" Lorrain Bachelor codenamed Necrophilia , Lorrain used to work as a morticians assistant till her boss walked in and found her enjoying herself with one of the cadavers, he took the opportunity to blackmail her into having sex with him, it turns out she has muscles in her vagina that are stronger than a bear trap, he died of blood lost from the penis as it was crushed to mush. She has iron thighs and can sneak up and kick a mans head off, mixed with a wicked temper and perchant for knives it makes a lethal combination"
the final one is the torturer, this video is of him in training in Afghanistan, he handles his M16 like he was born with it, blowing away jihadi after jihadi, my mouth opens, I cant believe this is real footage he makes Rambo look like a ken doll
" Vigilante, we took him off the street where he was killing junkies for sport, he was quite successful too until the hostel he blew up took him out, natural born killer with black and white morals, he could probably kill anyone given the right motivation, more force of nature than man and I aint saying that lightly"
he turns off the wall vids, elbows on the desk, glass in hand, he stares at me trying to gauge my reaction.
fuck me that was horrific
"so what do ya think? we may be unorthodox but we do the jobs no one else will"
"what if I say no?
"you really think you have a choice? your already legally dead and Ill feed piece of you to that freak with the red body my self"
he gets up from his chair and walks over to the stairs
"Ladies and runts get your asses to the intel room, the zombie killer is awake" he shouts down the corridor
I follow him down the stairs at the bottom there's a massive room that has a gym, shooting gallery, intel room and kitchen in it,Vigilante and Necrophilia are standing round the table in the Intel room Mr Personality in his depressed form is wheeling in Disease on a pallet truck whose wrapped up in a straight jacket
"Hi there sex toy" Disease says smiling at me
"you keep the fuck away from me" I warn
Necrophilia just glares at me like she wants to kill me
"alright you bunch of freaks, thats enough pleasantries, Vigilante what did you get out of the black beard the terrorist?
"not as much as I'd liked he passed out on me when I tried to fed him his fingers, give me another hour, either he'll spill his guts or I will"
"good, Necrophilia you get the confession out that ISIS rapist before you killed him?"
"Im still scraping him off my thighs chief"
Vic pats me on the back
"welcome to the family kid"
god help me.
end
Fuck
"HELLO!!!" I shout hoping someone will hear "IS ANYONE THERE?"
I wait a few minutes but all I get is the echoes of my own voice coming back at me, I look around my eyes have adjusted to what little light there is in the room, I see a table in arms reach with a key on it, as luck would have it its the key to the hand cuffs. I release myself and pull out the IV with a yank, it stings like a bitch.
Then I remember my wife.
oh god I killed her, I was supposed to die out there in the street killing those monsters. I don't want to be alive, looking at my body I trace the lines of the scars where I was bitten. I should be dead instead Ive been kidnapped and forced into a gimp dungeon.
I get up off the bed and my legs just crumble to the floor, I must have been out for a few weeks, I crawl on my hands and knees till I hit a wall. I begin to stand shakily in the corner is my coat and boots from the zombie attack, the look like theyve been cleaned and patched up.
I put them on and make my way out the door, I'm still dizzy,going into the light from the darkness is blinding, Im in what looks like a prison hallway.
"HELP, HELP"
it sounds like a kid screaming from the door opposite me. It has bars on the top half but there's no light in that cell at all, it sounds weird but its almost like the room is sucking light into it,
"hey mister, please help me" the same childlike voice begs
I move slowly towards the door, something really doesnt feel right, I feel like the dumb blond in a horror film that always walks into the same room as the serial killer
"are you ok?" I ask
Suddenly a slimy hand dripping with what looks like blood bursts through the bars, I jump back banging my head against the wall behind me,sharp razor like nails just miss my face.
"DO I LOOK LIKE IM OK TO YOU? HAHAHA"
the things voices changes, its almost rasping like someone who's smoked a hundred a day for 10 years. its approaches the bars of the door and I can see its face, broken teeth and huge whited out eyes that almost look insect like, I would say its smiling but it doesnt seem to have lips
"IM GOING TO SKIN YOU AND USE YOUR ROTTEN CORPSE AS SEX TOY" it hisses at me
what the fuck is this place?
I move with my back against the wall, the creature still hissing and cursing me
I continue down the hallway, I really wish I had a weapon on me. although my coat is covered in blades whoever fixed it up has done a professional job, the handles have been sewn over, Ive just noticed how comfortable it feels.
I go further down the hallway and I can hear screaming and drill coming from another cell, this one doesn't have bars on it, it looks more like a normal house door
here I go again me and my damned curiosity
I can see into the room, what looks like a guy in a dentist chair having his finger nails torn out
"Please I dont know anything, arrrrgh" a man says pleading in a cockney accent
"we both know thats a lie, you tried to hide your face on the internet when you beheaded that aid worker but you fucked up, the tech guys easily unscrambled your face" says the man torturing him in a cold dead voice
the torturer rifles through his bag and produces a saw, he brings it up to his face the light from the lamp flashes against it for a second
"now where are the hostages?"
I leave them too it, i can hear the sickening rasping of metal on bone and flesh is like nails on a chalk board and I really don't want to get on that guys bad side
I leave room and go down the hall I reach another room, I go into it and the door slams behind me, I turn round and try to open it but its locked,
oh great
I go to explore the room but it looks like two people are having passionate sex on a king sized bed, the woman on top, she looks like a stereotypical goth chick, her clothes are ripped, she looks like shes been crying her black eyeliner mixing in with her tears. I dont know where to look, I dont like being a peeping tom no matter how hot the person Im watching is
its only then I realise that the guy shes on top off is dead, his intestines have been ripped out and is hanging off the bed. Thats not even the most fucked up thing, I can see now shes shes not actually having sex with the dead guy, she masturbating with a butcher knife, she slides it in and out of her like its the worlds greatest vibrator. Im just standing there mouth open in shock, finally she has the orgasm then stops suddenly and looks at me square in the eyes,
"FUCKING PERVERT" she screams at me
the door behind me opens and I make a swift exit, she throws the bloody knife she was fucking her self with at me as I hurriedly leave the room.
"youre one lucky bastard, tell me did she bite her lip as she came?" says a voice from behind me
I look round and its a 6 foot blond haired vision of pure muscle, his teeth almost blind me as I looked up
finally a normal person,
"I wasnt paying attention" I reply stuned
"wasnt paying attention? oh I get it, you like the guys fair enough, say no more guvner"
"please tell me what the fuck is happening here, I woke up in that cell down there, I should be dead"
"easy calm yourself, this is whats happened to you....arggh... ugghh....fuaagh"
his body starts to convulse and his face begins to melt, he looks like he's turning into something else and it doesnt look nice
for fucksake when will this fucking end
I begin to run down the corridor, it feels like its never going to end I just want to get out of here, finally I reach the stair well,
"going somewhere kid?" at the top of the stairs is and 8ft mountain of muscle he has bushy ginger hair, his top half is covered in blood, in his right hand is a raw sheeps leg, he holds it like its a chicken leg, he's smirking at me
"right Im sick of this shit, what the fuck is going on in this mad house and why the fuck am I here?"
"why dont you come up to my office and I'll explain everything"
fuck it I dont care if he shags me and eats me, Im tired of living anyway
I make my way up the steps, he opens the door and sits behind his desk, he gets a towel and wipes the sweat and blood, I sit down in the chair opposite him,
"you're probably a bit confused right now" the big guy says
"ya think?"
he pours himself some expensive wiskey into a glass
"drink?" he offers
"no thanks"
"nice job you did out there by the way in Oldland , you did most of our job for us, we just had to take care of the stragglers while the rest centered on you and your killing frenzy" he says
"I didnt do that through choice, I just gave up on life and I just lost my wife to these undead fucks"
"dont be so modest, your a survivor thats why your here, thats why when everybody elses loved ones became a morning snack because they couldnt kill little johnny you didnt think twice and put a blade between your wifes eyes"
"I didnt...."
"its ok, i get it you feel responsible but why should you? its not a crime when its self defense" he smiles, theres something twisted in it
theres what feels like an eternity of silence where i think about my wife until I finally say something
"cut to the point"
"Im Vic I lead a team of.. lets say unique individuals, we clean up the mess the UK government makes through their bad experiments and the occasional threat to national security that the SAS are too pussy to even think about and guess what just been signed up for it.
"let me introduce you to your new team"
he pulls a clicker out from his desk, a video of the red monster that was down in the cells appears in a big screen behind him, he being restrained by some security guards but he's throwing them off with what looks like super human strength, he's trying his hardest to gut people but their body armour is too tough, finally they restrain him by throwing him into a padded cell
"Francis Denver, Codenamed Disease, his body is coated with a high infectious blood parasite that he can control, it gives him superhuman reflexes but in return he has an unquenchable thirst to kill. dont worry we keep him in check with a shock collar if he thinks bad thoughts, for some god forsaken reason someone in the government thought we could use this freak as a weapon when most would have just burned him to a crisp, gotta love their ingenuity.
he presses the button on the clicker and it changes to the next guy doesnt look as reconisable, its a scrawny indian man taking some pills, he starts to have a fit and his body begins to change into the guy I seen out side the goth girls room
"Farouk Balsara AKA Mr Personality he's bi polar, his Dr's put him on prozac to level him out, he had an allergic reaction to it to say the least and gave him a split personality, before he takes the pills he's a self loathing scrawny little queen, the second he takes the pills he goes through a violent transformation in which he gains muscle mass, becomes almost impervious to pain and damage and can sweet talk the underwear off a nun, he's also a pure sociopath who will pop your head like a zit if you get in his way"
the next to appear on the screen is the woman who was fucking the knife on top of the corpse, shes being chased by three men, they corner her into an alleyway she jumps off the wall and lands perfectly on one of the mens faces crushing his skull with her vaginal walls whilst simultaneously stabbing the other two with the heels of her boots into their eyes puncturing their brains,
" Lorrain Bachelor codenamed Necrophilia , Lorrain used to work as a morticians assistant till her boss walked in and found her enjoying herself with one of the cadavers, he took the opportunity to blackmail her into having sex with him, it turns out she has muscles in her vagina that are stronger than a bear trap, he died of blood lost from the penis as it was crushed to mush. She has iron thighs and can sneak up and kick a mans head off, mixed with a wicked temper and perchant for knives it makes a lethal combination"
the final one is the torturer, this video is of him in training in Afghanistan, he handles his M16 like he was born with it, blowing away jihadi after jihadi, my mouth opens, I cant believe this is real footage he makes Rambo look like a ken doll
" Vigilante, we took him off the street where he was killing junkies for sport, he was quite successful too until the hostel he blew up took him out, natural born killer with black and white morals, he could probably kill anyone given the right motivation, more force of nature than man and I aint saying that lightly"
he turns off the wall vids, elbows on the desk, glass in hand, he stares at me trying to gauge my reaction.
fuck me that was horrific
"so what do ya think? we may be unorthodox but we do the jobs no one else will"
"what if I say no?
"you really think you have a choice? your already legally dead and Ill feed piece of you to that freak with the red body my self"
he gets up from his chair and walks over to the stairs
"Ladies and runts get your asses to the intel room, the zombie killer is awake" he shouts down the corridor
I follow him down the stairs at the bottom there's a massive room that has a gym, shooting gallery, intel room and kitchen in it,Vigilante and Necrophilia are standing round the table in the Intel room Mr Personality in his depressed form is wheeling in Disease on a pallet truck whose wrapped up in a straight jacket
"Hi there sex toy" Disease says smiling at me
"you keep the fuck away from me" I warn
Necrophilia just glares at me like she wants to kill me
"alright you bunch of freaks, thats enough pleasantries, Vigilante what did you get out of the black beard the terrorist?
"not as much as I'd liked he passed out on me when I tried to fed him his fingers, give me another hour, either he'll spill his guts or I will"
"good, Necrophilia you get the confession out that ISIS rapist before you killed him?"
"Im still scraping him off my thighs chief"
Vic pats me on the back
"welcome to the family kid"
god help me.
end
Sunday, 22 June 2014
demon dude: why does this always happen to me?
We cut to a cave buried deep in the earth’s core, there’s a man
dressed in biker gear who looks like American bad ass undertaker and a kinda
muscley looking dude in a trench coat, they’re surrounded by demonic relics
that look tens of thousands of years old
Zombie killer "how long we going to be down here?"
Biker dude: "as long as it takes" biker dude says
without even look up
Zombie killer:"I was supposed to be five minutes getting
milk, Lilth is gonna have my balls when I get back"
Biker dude "boy your really pussy whipped aren’t you? She’s a
succubus she doesn’t even drink milk"
zombie killer: "fuck you dude, you’re always doing this shit
to me, you say come on lets go out and get pissed then you fucking guilt
trip me into some stupid end of the world prophecy just because I opened up the
gates of hell and released a few demons into the world"
Biker dude:"you nearly started world war 3 you dumb fuck,
there are wars in the Middle East that are still going on just because you got
fucking bored"
Zombie killer "see this is the shit I'm talking about, its
bullshit you can’t even prove that was me they’ve been warring for years"
Biker dude: "ugghhh, look I don’t give a fuck just don’t
touch anything and prepare yourself in case a portal opens up and we have
trouble"
"Fine!!!"
Zombie killer leans against a wall and accidentally touches a
switch, a small red light bead hovers in the centre of the cave
Biker dude: "according to the images on this wall this place
was where ancient people sent there most evil and horrific monsters"
Zombie killer: "em biker dude"
Biker dude: "I told you don’t..... " he looks up from
what he's studying and sees the light, his grimaces in shock "what did you
do?"
Zombie killer: "whoa don’t blame me for this shit I’m just
standing here and this thing goes off"
Biker dude approaches it and puts his hand through harmlessly
"It should be safe unless you happen to say the right spell
or magic word, it’s inert"
Zombie killer "well cunty bollocks to that then"
"PASSWORD ACCEPTED!!!!" a large booming voice says out
of no where
Suddenly the bead becomes huge and begins to suck anything demonic
energy into it; biker dude and zombiekiller grab hold of the pillars besides
them
Biker dude “YOUR A FUCKING IDIOT!!! IM GONNA KILL YOU IF I LIVE
THROUGH THIS"
Zombie killer "WELL FUCK YOU TO YOUR THE ONE THAT DRAGGED ME
DOWN HEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEE........."
They both lose their grip and hurtle into portal spinning wildly;
they separate and end up in different realities/universes. There’s an explosion
in the air 10,000 feet in air
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"
The experience has disorientated zombiekiller who forgets he can
fly and his fear of heights kicks in like it’s on red bull, luckily his self
preservation kicks in 100 feet before he hits the ground his coat becomes a
glider and he floats to earth. He gets on his hands and knees and throws up in
his mouth in shock and adrenaline when he recovers he realized he's landed near
a farm house in the middle of nowhere.
'Doesn’t look like a demon paradise to me; I’ve just been
transported to Devon"
Zombie killer approaches the farm and knocks on the door. It opens
eerily.
"YO IS ANYONE THERE? I NEED TO USE YOUR PHONE"
'Maybe they’re out doing farm stuff' he thinks to himself, walking
to the house he enters the living room and screams upon seeing a hideous sight
crawling on its belly across the floor
"arrrgh fucking cockroach, this place is filthy"
he sees the phone and picks it up but the line is dead, he turns
around and see's he's been followed by a huge alien with two mouths that
happens to look exactly like a creature that HR Geiger created for a famous
movie
"Awww for fuck sake" he says in exasperation like he’s
done this thing 1000 times. He brings up his shot gun and blows a hole in
the aliens head killing it, acid spews everywhere dissolving everything it
touches
"where’s Sigourney weaver when you need her?"
more later......
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