demon dude: why does this always happen to me?

We cut to a cave buried deep in the earth’s core, there’s a man dressed in biker gear who looks like American bad ass undertaker and a kinda muscley looking dude in a trench coat, they’re surrounded by demonic relics that look tens of thousands of years old

Zombie killer "how long we going to be down here?"

Biker dude: "as long as it takes" biker dude says without even look up

Zombie killer:"I was supposed to be five minutes getting milk, Lilth is gonna have my balls when I get back"

Biker dude "boy your really pussy whipped aren’t you? She’s a succubus she doesn’t even drink milk"

zombie killer: "fuck you dude, you’re always doing this shit to me, you say come on lets go out and get pissed  then you fucking guilt trip me into some stupid end of the world prophecy just because I opened up the gates of hell and released a few demons into the world"

Biker dude:"you nearly started world war 3 you dumb fuck, there are wars in the Middle East that are still going on just because you got fucking bored"

Zombie killer "see this is the shit I'm talking about, its bullshit you can’t even prove that was me they’ve been warring for years"

Biker dude: "ugghhh, look I don’t give a fuck just don’t touch anything and prepare yourself in case a portal opens up and we have trouble"

"Fine!!!"

Zombie killer leans against a wall and accidentally touches a switch, a small red light bead hovers in the centre of the cave

Biker dude: "according to the images on this wall this place was where ancient people sent there most evil and horrific monsters"

Zombie killer: "em biker dude"

Biker dude: "I told you don’t..... " he looks up from what he's studying and sees the light, his grimaces in shock "what did you do?"

Zombie killer: "whoa don’t blame me for this shit I’m just standing here and this thing goes off"

Biker dude approaches it and puts his hand through harmlessly

"It should be safe unless you happen to say the right spell or magic word, it’s inert"

Zombie killer "well cunty bollocks to that then"

"PASSWORD ACCEPTED!!!!" a large booming voice says out of no where

Suddenly the bead becomes huge and begins to suck anything demonic energy into it; biker dude and zombiekiller grab hold of the pillars besides them

Biker dude “YOUR A FUCKING IDIOT!!! IM GONNA KILL YOU IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS"

Zombie killer "WELL FUCK YOU TO YOUR THE ONE THAT DRAGGED ME DOWN HEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEE........."

They both lose their grip and hurtle into portal spinning wildly; they separate and end up in different realities/universes. There’s an explosion in the air 10,000 feet in air

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"

The experience has disorientated zombiekiller who forgets he can fly and his fear of heights kicks in like it’s on red bull, luckily his self preservation kicks in 100 feet before he hits the ground his coat becomes a glider and he floats to earth. He gets on his hands and knees and throws up in his mouth in shock and adrenaline when he recovers he realized he's landed near a farm house in the middle of nowhere.

'Doesn’t look like a demon paradise to me; I’ve just been transported to Devon"

Zombie killer approaches the farm and knocks on the door. It opens eerily.

"YO IS ANYONE THERE? I NEED TO USE YOUR PHONE"

'Maybe they’re out doing farm stuff' he thinks to himself, walking to the house he enters the living room and screams upon seeing a hideous sight crawling on its belly across the floor

"arrrgh fucking cockroach, this place is filthy"

he sees the phone and picks it up but the line is dead, he turns around and see's he's been followed by a huge alien with two mouths that happens to look exactly like a creature that HR Geiger created for a famous movie

"Awww for fuck sake" he says in exasperation like he’s done this thing 1000 times.  He brings up his shot gun and blows a hole in the aliens head killing it, acid spews everywhere dissolving everything it touches

"where’s Sigourney weaver when you need her?"

more later......